Loving You Less Than Life*

My husband has been my rock for the last six months or so – quietly there, doing what needs to be done, giving me space when I need it, and holding me close when I crave non-child-related human contact. He makes me laugh, sometimes even on my darkest days, and I don’t know what I’d […]

This shit is hard.

When you’re dealing with mental illness, which in my case is comprised of things like generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, and probable PTSD, starting to actually deal with things can feel liberating. “Oh, yeah,” you think, “I’m getting my shit together. Meds and psychotherapy and self-care and light therapy, I got […]

I’m a Terrible Friend.

Text: I have this friend. Sort of friend. Still a friend. I don’t know. I’ve known her for nearly 30 years, but haven’t spoken to her for months, certainly not since this depressive episode began last fall. About 18 months ago, this friend had a medical crisis which, another friend and I discovered, was brought […]

Breaking Wide Open.

Text: I keep trying to write, and the words refuse to come out of my head and land on the paper. I’m beginning to peek my head out of the shell of depression, but the shit that has surface as a result of therapy is right fucking there and refuses to be ignored. I hide, […]

My shit, her shit

Text: My daughter’s therapy session the other day was really hard on her. She was okay with the therapist telling me what they worked on – they discussed the different feelings that can come up when you’ve been sexually assaulted – but she was withdrawn, wouldn’t look at me, and clearly was processing some heavy […]

Light in the Darkness

Yesterday was a good day. The sun shone, I had some energy, I got some things done – like laundry. I stood outside and gulped great lungs full of the sweet spring air, and for a brief time, the darkness retreated to the cobwebbed corners of my mind. The bad days still outnumber the good, […]

Spring?

Text: I lost three days to that fucking migraine, plus two more to the postdrome phase (A.K.A. migraine hangover). The sun came out today, my first day of feeling moderately human, and the boost to my mood was palpable. I had a tiny little urge to weed my herb garden, and I stood outside to […]

Caffeinated & Cursing