I saw an eagle in a tree as I came around the lake today, and for the briefest of moments, my heart leapt with joy. These moments have been happening, little more than glimmers, making themselves known to me more frequently as the days go by. They do not last, and rarely can be felt for longer than a couple of seconds, but for those seconds I can feel, can see beyond the darkness of apathy and know there is hope for recovery.
Then it is gone, and I resume the carrying of my dark burden. I feel nothing, except fatigue and worry and emptiness. I rummage around in my brain, trying to find that spark, that glimmer of joy, but it’s gone. I’m left reminding myself, repeating to myself that it was real, that I will get through this, that the medication and therapy and self-care are working.